John Mayer's version of 'Big Yellow Taxi' played in my head this morning as Hailey gave a long backwards wave on the bus to school. It an interesting feeling to watch my kids take off for their day. I am relinquishing control that I really don't have.
I remember when Jack was born, and I was overwhelmed with the ideas of nurturing, educating and enjoying my brand new little boy. I used to read to him from my Botany books while studying because I thought silence was not conducive to his growth. Boy, howdy-did that one backfire on me! :) I always felt it was my job to encourage curiosity, to let them test their boundaries just a little (yep, that one backfired a time or two also) and to fill their every waking moment with life! But that always included my guided tour of life. When they were young, we lived in an apartment with a forest, stream and fireflies behind it. Great exploring but always close to me. I wanted to bring out my microscope and have a little home schooled lesson on what our spiderwebs caught. (Easy when your not dusting!)
But four kids later, I 'm learning that I may be hindering their growth. Maybe!?! The stress of trying to fill their every moment with great experiences along with living my life as well is a bit much. When we had President's day I was determined to work on our landscaping but the kids whinned that they didn't no what to do (and it is a no-tv week so no help there.) I'm realizing that they will have to use their own brains to invent themselves and some of what they will experience. This morning while waiting for that 'Big Yellow Bus' to take my kids away, Jack and Grant fought over first spot in line. I tried to help and inwardly felt frustrated that they were wasting a beautiful morning and a great relationship on a fight! But my mind said "Hey Mom, this is their life and their choices. You can help, but its up to them if they ruin their day or make it a great one."
So maybe I will step back (just a bit) and watch their lives unfold. I am determined to make the 'classroom' a postive place but the learning will be up to them. This actually feels good-must mean it's right! Can't wait to see what they do with their lives!
2 comments:
Jenny,
Good post. I'm a Grandma and still want to tell you when to cross the street or not. Its hard to give up. Free agency is quite a gift isn't it. Love Mom
I've always admired what a great mom you are. You are always doing fun, educational, and thought provoking things with them. So, if on occasion, they don't step back and see the wonderful world they live in and chose to fight instead, then so be it. Their mom has taught them how when they finally do.
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