OK, so for the last year or so, I've had this great relationship going with this really neat guy! We clicked from the moment we saw each other. It was a very symbiotic relationship. I supported him in his most basic needs and he allowed me to eat well over my daily caloric intake with out consequences. How cool is that! Yes, we were meant for each other, and he is just so darn cute. The late nights together, the way he made me smile, the way I helped him to be such a sharp dresser, oh what a year!
But Mackay is a year old now and it's time to move on and go our ways so to speak. But how do I tell him? How could I let him down gently? I had a plan. I went away for the weekend with Chris and when I came I would ween him. I had "leche cuddle' time planned, an idea I got from my sister Joy, where he could cuddle with me while drinking milk out of a sippy cup.
But when I got back from my weekend away, he didn't even seem to notice anything was missing. He didn't try to nurse at all. All the prep and worry over this transition and he didn't seem to care.
Did I mean nothing to him? Was our relationship nothing to him. As releaved as I was, I felt a bit cast a side. How could he be so heartless and crule. I had given up sleep for him, changed my wardrobe (goodbye dresses) and had adjusted my schedule to be there for him at his beck and call. Maybe this relationship wasn't as symbiotic as I had once thought. Now that I think about it, I did put up with a lot of crap from him. What I really want to do is buy a big box of Krispy Kremes, eat the whole box, and cry watching old movies. But wait, who would burn my calories for me while I walowed? Oh Mackay, Mackay, Mackay!!
At least I have my loving husband who is still there for me, even after having to share our relationship. And I am very confident that he loves me for more than just my body, well mostly confident.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
B & B
Chris and I celebrated our 13th year together by going up to flagstaff and skiing for the weekend. We had such a blast that even locking our keys in the car after a day of skiing didn't ruin the day. (Sorry about that honey!) I had brought my MP3 player and listened a bit while we skied. On one run, weaving in and out the song 'Everlasting Love' by Howard Jones played in the back ground. I smiled to think of Chris and I, and how far we've come. We skied for our honeymoon which really means that Chris skied down and then waited for me to come sliding in. I've worked hard to change that and now only slide some of the time. ;)
The highlight of our weekend came after a day of skiing when we checked into our Bed and Breakfast. The Starlight Pines is a Victorian Style home with fireplaces and claw foot tubs in each bathroom. We stayed in the 'dragon fly' room, named for its antique furnishings and dragon flie patterns on everything. Even the Tiffany lamp had dragon flies on it. The owners, Richard and Micheal thought of everything, with campaign flutes and sparkling cider in our room. Breakfast was gourmet 'egg towers' and asparagus. I'd give you the recipe but really, you just need to take a weekend and go try them for yourself. I highly recommend this B&B. If you've never tried one, they're great! (No, I don't work for Flagstaff's tourism board.)
Part of the charm of a B&B are meeting other guest who are also staying there. One such guest was a man named Klaus who is Dutch and lives in St. Martins. We had a fun conversation over breakfast and then had a morning nap before the Woodland ward meeting at 11:00. Its always fun to visit other wards and to know the church and our brothers and sisters are the same everywhere.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
A big yellow bus took my girl away. Dont it always seem to go That you dont know what youve got Till its gone... -Joni Mitchell
John Mayer's version of 'Big Yellow Taxi' played in my head this morning as Hailey gave a long backwards wave on the bus to school. It an interesting feeling to watch my kids take off for their day. I am relinquishing control that I really don't have.
I remember when Jack was born, and I was overwhelmed with the ideas of nurturing, educating and enjoying my brand new little boy. I used to read to him from my Botany books while studying because I thought silence was not conducive to his growth. Boy, howdy-did that one backfire on me! :) I always felt it was my job to encourage curiosity, to let them test their boundaries just a little (yep, that one backfired a time or two also) and to fill their every waking moment with life! But that always included my guided tour of life. When they were young, we lived in an apartment with a forest, stream and fireflies behind it. Great exploring but always close to me. I wanted to bring out my microscope and have a little home schooled lesson on what our spiderwebs caught. (Easy when your not dusting!)
But four kids later, I 'm learning that I may be hindering their growth. Maybe!?! The stress of trying to fill their every moment with great experiences along with living my life as well is a bit much. When we had President's day I was determined to work on our landscaping but the kids whinned that they didn't no what to do (and it is a no-tv week so no help there.) I'm realizing that they will have to use their own brains to invent themselves and some of what they will experience. This morning while waiting for that 'Big Yellow Bus' to take my kids away, Jack and Grant fought over first spot in line. I tried to help and inwardly felt frustrated that they were wasting a beautiful morning and a great relationship on a fight! But my mind said "Hey Mom, this is their life and their choices. You can help, but its up to them if they ruin their day or make it a great one."
So maybe I will step back (just a bit) and watch their lives unfold. I am determined to make the 'classroom' a postive place but the learning will be up to them. This actually feels good-must mean it's right! Can't wait to see what they do with their lives!
I remember when Jack was born, and I was overwhelmed with the ideas of nurturing, educating and enjoying my brand new little boy. I used to read to him from my Botany books while studying because I thought silence was not conducive to his growth. Boy, howdy-did that one backfire on me! :) I always felt it was my job to encourage curiosity, to let them test their boundaries just a little (yep, that one backfired a time or two also) and to fill their every waking moment with life! But that always included my guided tour of life. When they were young, we lived in an apartment with a forest, stream and fireflies behind it. Great exploring but always close to me. I wanted to bring out my microscope and have a little home schooled lesson on what our spiderwebs caught. (Easy when your not dusting!)
But four kids later, I 'm learning that I may be hindering their growth. Maybe!?! The stress of trying to fill their every moment with great experiences along with living my life as well is a bit much. When we had President's day I was determined to work on our landscaping but the kids whinned that they didn't no what to do (and it is a no-tv week so no help there.) I'm realizing that they will have to use their own brains to invent themselves and some of what they will experience. This morning while waiting for that 'Big Yellow Bus' to take my kids away, Jack and Grant fought over first spot in line. I tried to help and inwardly felt frustrated that they were wasting a beautiful morning and a great relationship on a fight! But my mind said "Hey Mom, this is their life and their choices. You can help, but its up to them if they ruin their day or make it a great one."
So maybe I will step back (just a bit) and watch their lives unfold. I am determined to make the 'classroom' a postive place but the learning will be up to them. This actually feels good-must mean it's right! Can't wait to see what they do with their lives!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Let's talk about socks, Baby!
You know the old joke about dryers eating socks? Its not true! Yes, I know-stop the presses!
Do you want to know where your lost socks go? They find their way to my house. So many times, when I sit down to fold my laundry, I'll pull out a sock and have no idea where it came from. Since I'm the only clothes shopper for our family (Except for Chris, but he only shops @ Cops-R-Us!) I recognize all the socks and just how long ago I'd bought the batch. I can date them because of how many holes have been stitches up in them.
So when I find a new one, I have to think back to who was at my house in the last couple of days. Babysat kids? Neighbors? Maybe it was one of the boy's friends. Some look to big to be my boy's sock but to small to be Chris'.
Just the other day I found a pair of chocolate brown socks that fit Mackay's tiny toes. Since it matches his Sunday corduroy pants I'll claim them, but I can't help but think someone will recognize them from their missing laundry. Joy, are they your sons?
I'm sorry anyone out there who keeps missing socks, if I could I would return them to you but since I have them, I will just wish that socks got lost in pairs.
Do you want to know where your lost socks go? They find their way to my house. So many times, when I sit down to fold my laundry, I'll pull out a sock and have no idea where it came from. Since I'm the only clothes shopper for our family (Except for Chris, but he only shops @ Cops-R-Us!) I recognize all the socks and just how long ago I'd bought the batch. I can date them because of how many holes have been stitches up in them.
So when I find a new one, I have to think back to who was at my house in the last couple of days. Babysat kids? Neighbors? Maybe it was one of the boy's friends. Some look to big to be my boy's sock but to small to be Chris'.
Just the other day I found a pair of chocolate brown socks that fit Mackay's tiny toes. Since it matches his Sunday corduroy pants I'll claim them, but I can't help but think someone will recognize them from their missing laundry. Joy, are they your sons?
I'm sorry anyone out there who keeps missing socks, if I could I would return them to you but since I have them, I will just wish that socks got lost in pairs.
Monday, February 2, 2009
lol! c u 2!
The art of conversation is slipping from me. I think it's because I'm a Mom and married to a cop. I don't have meaningful adult conversation at the end of each day, or pillow talk to keep my communication skills fresh. I've even heard my self say things like, "we're going on the store" instead of "to the store". Where did that come from? I'm getting the basics wrong! Ugh! How could I be losing what I have learned so soon in life?
It doesn't help that Chris and I only have so many moments to talk from when he wakes up and is off to work, or he's home but I'm off on errands with kids. It sometimes feels like the end of a car commercial... "2.99%financingandGrantneedsnewgipants,Haileyimprovedonhertest,Jack needstotalktoyouaboutabully,butyouneedtobringitupwithhim, whatdoyouwantmetodowiththepropanetankandwehaveababysitterforthursdaynight
ifyourpagerdoesn'tgoeofffirst! Say that really fast! Yup that's it!
I am always trying to rack my brain to tell him things from most important to least important and not leave anything out that would otherwise just come out during the course of a conversation. That way when we get interupted at least the most important things are discussed. It kills me when I've told him something twice, like I've used up a life-line in a game show and only have so much time left. Will I win the million or run out of time.
Maybe I should learn police code so I can just tell him there's a 918 101 at home you need to talk to, what's your eta (estimated time of arrival). Or better yet, I could use texting language and lol with my bff.
None of this is helping my communication skills. (Not to mention, I'm so slow at texting).It ends up making my conversation choppy and hurried. Where's an English immersion course when you need one? Do you think they would let me in?
It doesn't help that Chris and I only have so many moments to talk from when he wakes up and is off to work, or he's home but I'm off on errands with kids. It sometimes feels like the end of a car commercial... "2.99%financingandGrantneedsnewgipants,Haileyimprovedonhertest,Jack needstotalktoyouaboutabully,butyouneedtobringitupwithhim, whatdoyouwantmetodowiththepropanetankandwehaveababysitterforthursdaynight
ifyourpagerdoesn'tgoeofffirst! Say that really fast! Yup that's it!
I am always trying to rack my brain to tell him things from most important to least important and not leave anything out that would otherwise just come out during the course of a conversation. That way when we get interupted at least the most important things are discussed. It kills me when I've told him something twice, like I've used up a life-line in a game show and only have so much time left. Will I win the million or run out of time.
Maybe I should learn police code so I can just tell him there's a 918 101 at home you need to talk to, what's your eta (estimated time of arrival). Or better yet, I could use texting language and lol with my bff.
None of this is helping my communication skills. (Not to mention, I'm so slow at texting).It ends up making my conversation choppy and hurried. Where's an English immersion course when you need one? Do you think they would let me in?
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