Give away!

My talented sister-in-law has a fun, crazy, honest blog about her life, her family (my brother and nephew) and her feelings after losing her 2yr old daughter, my niece Lucy. Check it out here:

http://jacksonparkcity.blogspot.com/
And while you are doing that, you can enter her give away for lots of cool stuff, which I am hoping to win! Happy Blog staulking!

a hot cocoa in time

July 13th or around that date (literally) Hailey spilled her hot cocoa on our desk calendar.
Why was she drinking hot cocoa in the summer in Arizona, you ask? She took swim team this summer at 9am but thought the pool was too cold. As a motivator I would make her hot cocoa to take in a insulated cup to warm her insides while she swam in the cold water. It only took a month for the water to warm up.
Back to the spill...
As soon as it spilled, we mopped up what we could but it spread into the crease and to the months ahead. It's been an ugly blot on the calendar and I have looked forward to the month when I would turn the page and it would be a clean fresh month. It happened November 1st and now I miss the darn spot. It went much quicker than I expected and makes me nervous for how fast things are moving.
Mackay asks over and over again if he is "this many" yet, holding up his four fingers. No Mackay, you are still three. "Aw Man!" he exclaims dishearteningly. Will four ever come?-he thinks. Will November ever come?-I thought. Can I slow things down? I wonder now.
I have decided to get a Sonic gift card with my next years calendar and tape it to some random day that seems so far off. Then when it comes, I will reward my self for getting there! Endure to April 7th!

therapy

(Poor kid's neck is so large I don't dare snap the top snap on his outfit!)


Our foster son has physical therapy once a week. Because he was drug exposed his body was really stiff and so milestones that come naturally to most babies are slow for him. Our loving therapist Jill started just by moving his arms. Soon he was reaching out for the toys around him. Then she rolled him back and forth so his body could feel what rolling should feel like. Each time she puts toys around him, above him, in front of him and then makes the lights and sounds flash to encourage him to reach out. Sitting, tummy time, standing are all part of the 'work' he does each week. She runs a tight ship! At times he tolerates all the moving and working, but towards the end he is just down right cranky.

"To much movement, to much stretching! I want to be left alone." He seems to say.

And I reflect on how something so easy for so many is so challenging for him. I saw a program on therapy for returning vets, especially those with head trauma. They had to relearn to do such simple things like eat, tie their shoes and eventually grocery shop (OK that last one can be tricky, but you get the idea). Men and woman who once commanded soldiers into battle now start over again in humble baby steps. I also think about my Brother and Sister-In-Law who are relearning to enjoy life after their daughter died, and another family member who is learning to trust God and try His plan for them.
Keep working guys! Rolling over may be hard but the toys are worth it.

yeah!

Do you remember the feeling you got when you got your drivers license? I remember a little fluttering feeling deep down, an excitement with the knowledge that I could go ANYWHERE and do ANYTHING. Well, almost. But it was so exhilarating and free. The whole world was open to me.
Fast forward 20 years
My oldest son turned 12 this month and is a very capable babysitter. He loves the responsibility and is very diplomatic with his siblings when he's in charge. The other night, on what should have been my husband and my date night,my husband got called in to the Police Station for some PR work with the Town Council. He called me to join him. Since half the children were in bed asleep and my very capable 12 yr old was more than willing to stay up and babysit, I went.
Maybe it was because of the early 90's tune playing on the radio or the fact that I was in the car by myself. But I suddenly had that little fluttering feeling again. I had the freedom to go anywhere and do anything, almost. I was so excited with the possibilities opening up to me, I could hardly contain myself! So, there is light at the end of that long, noisy, sometimes very messy tunnel, and I'm here to tell you... it's exciting to see again.

Adam

You've waited toooo long to meet this cute little guy! Adam is now 5 months old and has been in our hearts for 3 months now. He has a great smile, but usually just has this eyes wide open look, like "who are you?" (Why do kids always look at us that way? Are we really that crazy looking?)
He has a therapist who comes once a week to help him work through stiff muscle tone and help him to catch up developmentally. He may have a long journey ahead of him, but for as long as we have him, we're working together to enjoy him and help him enjoy life!

Good bye Anaune!

We said good bye to Anaune on Friday. He went to a new foster home that was supposed to have room for he and his sister. And then his sister's foster home had an opening and now he'll go with her. Good, bad, glad and sad. This was a hard placement for us and a difficult experience as we saw the full dis-functionality of the Foster Care system. He is such a cool kid, with a fun personality. Where ever he actually is, we hope the best for him. I wish we could have kept him, but it wouldn't have worked out with Mackay so well. Mackay had a hard time sharing his room, cloths, toys and mom. I feel like I am slowly learning the system and I ask my self,"Do I really want to know all this, see all this and feel all that goes with it?"
The thought that came to my mind was this. Do not let the heartache distract you from what you set out to do.
And so we have a new child with us. Pictures will come soon, once I get used to night feedings again!

Naune

Naune is as cute as a button! We are loving his presence in our home and are adjusting to all the changes. From the beginning he just started playing with everyone and I hear the small whisper that says my family's current stage is just right for foster children. He called me Mom right away and has a large vocabulary (including some not so great words). It was only around day three when he wept in his sleep for mommy, that we saw signs of his home sickness. Other things started popping up later as well and we have managed them as they came. My least favorite words of his are 'I don't care' which he heard entirely to often, I believe and I always respond with 'Well, I care!"
After a week he learned to fold his arms and be quiet during family prayer. Taking him to our church was exciting, and I really appreciate people who come up and ask about him as opposed to the confused stares. I'm still waiting to use the line "I don't know who his father was!" but I doubt I'll get to.
I'm not sure that he's ever swam before and so we try to often. Boy do we really stick out at the pool! Naune and my white/blonde son swimming with me are quite a salt and pepper pair. We are still learning so much and enjoying everyday of this. But Naune is such a cool kid, it's hard not to like the experience.

ready...set...

Do you believe in a loving Heavenly Father who guides and watches over your life? I do. And so I trust he will help me and send the right child to our family.
We have our name on the list for another Foster Child. And we have received four calls already. Each time we are given a little information on the child, and asked 'will we be willing'. As a couple, my husband and I have agreed to say yes to any request and trust that the right one will come to our home. The Lord knows what child will teach us the most, without putting stress in our relationships with our children and causing harm to their growth. So with each call, I think about the child, what it's been through, what it will need right away and what I can do to ease the trauma of leaving it's previous situation. Now that we've had Ashley, we feel for the other side of the situation and what the child may feel after being severed from it's previous family.
So far we have not been called back,( not uncommon) and so we wait.
The hard part (ya, I know; only one hard part?) is not being able to plan ahead. Today is a crazy day. Saturday would have been perfect. But please not on Thursday morning. No I can't say when we are best able to take the child. They come when they come. That's really how it is anyway.
Wish us expecting parents luck. Maybe our new bundle of joy will come today!



Update: We are expecting a two year old boy any minute now. Removed because of neglect. He has a 3 yr old sister who is also placed in care. We don't have enough seat belts for both of them currently. I admit I am terrified. A two yr old boy, terrible twos, missing sis and mom? What are we thinking? Oh yeah-the Lords with us on this.

Good bye

A few of our favorite pictures:

A Rezean to Love


Ashley went home to her Grandparents this week and we are left to say goodbye. We have so many emotions swirling around, it is hard to categorize all of this grief. But as we sat in a circle and talked with our kids about this experience, we asked them if they would foster again. All of our children responded "YES!" And so we will.

A++

I can tell you maybe three of my favorite xeriscape plant's latin names. I remember very little of Calculus. I have forgotten my English writing tips and really, I never could spell. But if you ask me about my kids, I get an A++ every time.
Grant recently celebrated his birthday and Chris and I went shopping for the occasion. We found our selves in the Lego Isle looking for something he might like. Chris found a set with a video game theme that he thought Grant would like but I pointed out that it was a different brand. He didn't think it would matter but I told him 'Lego Snob' older brother would point it out and then Grant might think it was an inferior gift. Chris assured me it would not be an issue.
I bet him a foot rub on that.
As we were wrapping gifts the next day we showed Jack the gift.
His words were "You know it's not Lego, right?"
Yes, my feet feel fine and if you ask me about kids- I know mine!

P.S. Grant still loved the gift, or more importantly the guy time spent putting it together.

Three Cups of Tea

I lived in a small village called New York on September 11th, 2001. A woman in my ward had chard business cards blow into her yard. I had a brief conversation with an angry man on his stoop about how all foreigners should be sent home. American hate was at a high during the months afterward. Maybe you saw a bumper sticker that read "Nuke them all and let Allah sort it out".
Greg Mortenson, Author of Three Cups of Tea was in Pakistan when he got word about the Towers. Working in a village to build schools for their children, he was moved by the village women who brought him eggs, (all they had to offer) to give to the women in the village of New York to help with their suffering.
"Three Cups of Tea, One man's Mission to promote Peace one school at a time" talks about the path that lead him to work so hard for Muslims on the other side of our planet. Balti, Pakistan, a small village in the shadow of the second largest mountain in the world, is where his journey began as a mountaineer. It transformed into a goal to build a school for their children who studied on the cold ground with out a teacher. But it continued on to a career of building more than 50 schools and talks about the sweet people who are so misunderstood by Americans. He meet so many honest people who only want a better life for their families. You will not be able to read this book and not view people differently. And Greg Mortenson wants you to read this book. He wants people to know that only a fair education will bring peace to this world. And Pakistan's aren't the only ones needing educating.
The book gets it's name from a saying that Haji Ali, Balti villiage leader told Greg on one of his many visits.
The first time you share tea with a Balti, you are a stranger
The second time you share tea with a Balti, you are an honored guest
The third time you share tea with you become family.
I wish I had more eloquence to give this book a proper review. You will just have to read it and fill in the details I can not.

Let us review

I went to my first Foster Care Review Board today. At this meeting a group of people waste little time and even less space going over each foster child's case to ensure that child is currently getting the best care possible. In a tiny room; Her case manager, her parents, foster mom-me, an officiator, and a panel of four neutral observers. (I'm not sure where these people came from, definitely a jury pool somewhere) We went around the room stating our connection to Ashley and why she is in care. It seemed so awkward to discuss everything with her parents in the room. On my turn, I wasn't quite sure what they needed to hear but I felt it was important that they know she had two teeth now. She is mastering crawling, loves her 'siblings', smiles at everyone, eats baby food wonderfully and loves to wear it in her hair. She sleeps through the night (blessed little girl), has had her 6 month shots and is the happiest baby ever.
Her parents talk of their progress and desire to get CPS out of their lives and have their daughter home with them.
And I know in the end, there will be heart break for someone.
Her parents thank me for taking such good care of her and express their desire to have me in her life after they get her back, and I smile and wonder how hard it would be to abruptly move to Mexico with her.
We still do not know how this will end. I want to inform the court that they need to make up their minds quickly before it becomes too painful for Ashley and I, but I know this will do no good. So we'll wait for the next court date. May. A great month for weddings, and severance.
Is it still worth it?
Yes.
My niece died when she was almost two and has already affected my life and others for good.
Can't 6 months with Ashley be likewise.

faith, trust and pixie dust

I finished costumes for Actor's Youth Theater's Jr production of Peter Pan. Here is a cast picture. It would have been painfully crazy if not for the great help of Wendy. No, not Wendy Darling, my sister-Wendy Shay. We had a great time dressing and fixing costumes for kids 8-13yrs of age and Wendy was tireless in her shopping and sewing! My motivation for this project was a sisters get-a-way up in Utah where we surprised my little sis Peggy. It will be some time before I work on costumes again, but it was fun to work with my sister and since it paid my plane ticket, it was worth every penny.

Me Tarzan, You Jane

On communication= our way

I was feeling a little under appreciated this week; and hey, it happens to even the most confident of moms right!? I was privately praying on just how to tell my husband with out sounding whiny or being to needy. Because cop's wives can't do needy. Before toooo long my Husband could tell something was amiss and asked if I was mad at him. He always starts with the most risky of troubleshooting when trying to guess at my moods. I finally blurted that I needed flowers. So superficial, but I figure since I'd been praying to know how best to communicate and flowers came out, that must be what I need.
Chris then said he needed to do something and would be back. NOW?
And he came back... with roses and lilies.
(no picture=my camera won't do them justice and really, they are just for me. not you)
He didn't wait to find a way to make it look like it was his idea, or wait for a special moment. Wife wants flowers so husband gets. I think if I were a cave woman and asked for meat, he would say "Build fire!" and then come back with a mammoth for me to devour. If I were Jane, he'd be my Tarzan. If I were Leia, he would be my scruffy looking Nurf Herder.
So he didn't read my mind. But maybe I don't care anymore. It's surprising how cheerful I feel with beautiful flowers on my kitchen table and the foot rub that came with it. I spoke his language and he spoke mine.

Vic and Molly

Check it out... with tissues close by. Vic and Molly, you are wonderful!

Two purchases, little sense

This week I bought two things of which I was very excited about. The first was tickets to Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat that a local High School was putting on. $24 for four tickets. I try to take my kids to one show a year at least and with friends we knew in it, and rave reviews, this seemed promising. (Chris was on a scout camp-out so it would be my date night with my kids.) The second was a new iron. $36. Laugh if you must, but my current iron had the tip broken off and had transfer paper glue stuck to the plate. It doesn't heat up like it used to and is generally beat up. It was long overdue so I bought a nice new one 50% off that I would not have otherwise afforded.
The show was FABULOUS! The music by Andrew Lloyd Webber was amazing and every kid hit each note beautifully. It gave me chills and I almost got up and danced during the 'Go, go ,go Joseph' number. I didn't want my friend Kristy to think I was nuts so I didn't. I drooled at the costumes and will secretly plan to sew a coat of many colors to wear when no one is around. After the show, I asked Jack, my oldest and often my sounding board, what he thought. "Ehh. The clapping was too loud."
But this morning as he ironed his Sunday shirt with our hot new iron, he went on about how wonderful it was, how easy and smooth, and how the steam billowed around the iron as he worked.
Yea Jack it was a cool purchase- but you're off by $12