Being Schooled

     A new school year is upon us and with it many new learning experiences.  We will have some changes in our home as well as our Foster Children transition to a new family.  Mom wasn't able to get it together and extended family is unavailable. Recently we met with their case worker, their developmental therapist, and our licensing worker to discuss the new family that has been chosen for them.  Even though I knew this was coming, I sat through the meeting trying to contain all the emotions that bubbled just under the surface.  I can not really express all that I am feeling through this experience. Sadness that they are going, betrayal that I am allowing this to happen, protective over my children's needs, anger, pity and sorrow for Mom who is loosing her beautiful children to her own addictions, impatience at this system, joy for the children's chance with a new and permanent family, what have I left out?

     Gratitude.

     As I sat in this meeting, I watched this group of people who have chose to make watching out for lost children their life's work. I felt such gratitude that we were taking such care to find a family that would love our Foster Children for the rest of their lives and possibly eternity.  I loved to hear that a couple with stable incomes, and three children of their own, counted their blessing and new they'd been given enough to share. I'm so glad to have known them,and enjoyed their personalities. I feel somehow that I have really lived, experiencing all this and letting all these emotions wash over me as my family has tried to make a difference.  Does that make sense?  Their therapist assured me that my emotions were important and by going through them, would be able to then help our foster daughter through her feelings.
    We will meet them on Tuesday right after meeting our kid's teachers. It will be our job to tell them everything we can about these children and give this new couple the best chance at making this permanent decision.  We will give them all the good (the easy job) and all the struggles that they may face from what we have learned about them in the 10 months they have lived with us. I know couples who take years before deciding on marriage, and these people will have one meeting to decide.  We will not introduce the kids until later and will let them get to know one another gradually. You can't move kids like you move furniture despite what some court says. 
      My prayer is that we are not part of their trauma, but are the bridge to a better future.  We are winging this. But this is the year to learn.