Roller Coster ride

Things had been going well...  Our little ones have meet their new family, but to them, they have meet 'friends' of ours. They trusted them instantly because the Adoptive Family were our friends. Play dates, sleep overs, fun, gifts. Yep it was a great two weeks. Things had been going well. Then just as we were preparing to get official, we found out that Mom has recruited her father to step in and offer to take custody. 
     Sure, family is always a first choice... a YEAR ago! They have seen him once in that time and he waits till now to step forward?!  But this is normal and so we are on hold. Adoptive Family is still willing but they are on hold as well.  Grandpa has to check out, prove suitable and all that will take time.  We met recently with our 'team' and decided to back off the frequency of the visits and over nighters until thing are decided (again).  All 'parents' concerned came away feeling raw and confused. It was so much to absorb in one blow I found myself playing with our kids during the meeting just to find focus and block out all the feelings squeezing through me.  Just when we had seen them safely into their future, there is a real chance they will be sucked back into the life they had before. 
I've tried to contact the kids very uninvolved legal guardian, I've written a letter to the judge and I've prayed fervently. We are fasting for them on Sunday if anyone would like to add their fast and prayers to ours.
This morning I did something I haven't done in months. I woke up at 5am and went for a run.  I ached in a few old places and some new places but had a great time and felt refreshed. I tried to clean, organize and anchor my self and my spirit. Tomorrow our cuties come back from their visit with their Adoptive Family and we continue on just as we have.  We will be their safe haven for as long as we can. We will give them routine. We will love them. We will deal with tantrums and use each moment to teach. And we will pray that their life lessons wont be as hard as some children really experience day to day.
Pray for them.

I met Mr. Right...

and Mrs. Right!

We had a Foster/Adoptive Parent meeting this week.  With out kids present and just a preliminary introduction. 
And we love them.
They are a beautiful couple, with children of their own. They were articulate, compassionate, knowledgable and fun.  They asked all the questions we would want our foster kid's parents to know. They have actually been preparing themselves and their family for two years to get everything in order. They were clear up front that they have seen friends go through this and have taken the romance out of this process. They understand that this will probably be the hardest thing they will ever do  and are committed to making the lives of these children better by what they can offer (and that is no small thing)! 
We already recognize that we have little say in the matter but meeting them has really comforted us. We asked what kind of involvement we might have in their future and the family is open to keeping in touch with us. Instant friends!  
And they asked the hard question, the one we dread but think every potential adoptive parent should ask of a foster family.  "Why are you not adopting them?"
This one brought tears to everyone as we explained we always wonder with each placement if this child might be a part of our family but with these two we have felt that there was another family out there meant for them, and we weren't it.
At the end of the meeting, the CPS staff told them they had to take 24hrs to think it over and that we would hear from them the next day. That was Tuesday. Wednesday they called. Yes! Monday they will come and meet the kids at our house  (oh help, I've got some cleaning to do).  From there, play dates, over nighters, and then it will be permanent. 

Being Schooled

     A new school year is upon us and with it many new learning experiences.  We will have some changes in our home as well as our Foster Children transition to a new family.  Mom wasn't able to get it together and extended family is unavailable. Recently we met with their case worker, their developmental therapist, and our licensing worker to discuss the new family that has been chosen for them.  Even though I knew this was coming, I sat through the meeting trying to contain all the emotions that bubbled just under the surface.  I can not really express all that I am feeling through this experience. Sadness that they are going, betrayal that I am allowing this to happen, protective over my children's needs, anger, pity and sorrow for Mom who is loosing her beautiful children to her own addictions, impatience at this system, joy for the children's chance with a new and permanent family, what have I left out?

     Gratitude.

     As I sat in this meeting, I watched this group of people who have chose to make watching out for lost children their life's work. I felt such gratitude that we were taking such care to find a family that would love our Foster Children for the rest of their lives and possibly eternity.  I loved to hear that a couple with stable incomes, and three children of their own, counted their blessing and new they'd been given enough to share. I'm so glad to have known them,and enjoyed their personalities. I feel somehow that I have really lived, experiencing all this and letting all these emotions wash over me as my family has tried to make a difference.  Does that make sense?  Their therapist assured me that my emotions were important and by going through them, would be able to then help our foster daughter through her feelings.
    We will meet them on Tuesday right after meeting our kid's teachers. It will be our job to tell them everything we can about these children and give this new couple the best chance at making this permanent decision.  We will give them all the good (the easy job) and all the struggles that they may face from what we have learned about them in the 10 months they have lived with us. I know couples who take years before deciding on marriage, and these people will have one meeting to decide.  We will not introduce the kids until later and will let them get to know one another gradually. You can't move kids like you move furniture despite what some court says. 
      My prayer is that we are not part of their trauma, but are the bridge to a better future.  We are winging this. But this is the year to learn.