the 90 & 9

So Jack was the first to say it, and but of course! He's the only child in our house who has been an only child.
"Mom, I feel like you love her more than us."
I almost felt comforted knowing at least it was out in the open. Coming from Jack, I know that what he is really saying is that 'one more person is taking mom's precious time away from me'. I am glad to have this discussion so early in the game-I'm pretty sure he wanted to say this when Grant was born but didn't have the verbal skills at 18months old. And then Grant got to be so much fun for him, why complain?
So I tried to assure him of my never-ending love (opposite of - for a limited time patience) and then found a moment to preemptively ask my other kids if they felt the same way. The kids are needing to step it up more, Jack went through math flashcards with Hailey while I changed diapers, but this is so good for all of us. Especially Ashley. Stepanie, as always, your comments are so helpful. I don't think I really realized what you were going through. And I think I assumed that since you signed up for this that it was all peachy. (How silly that logic seems now when I realize I longed to be a mother and it was still a pain at times)
But Jack has a birthday tomorrow and I am trying to making him feel as loved as he should be by making his favorite-cheesecake! If Jesus can leave the 90 & 9 for his one sheep, Jack can have his cake and eat it too!

chasing the dreaming

So yes, I have hit the wall. And I wonder, 'what is wrong with me' until I remember, oh yea, I haven't slept solid for more than four hours. I've been so busy with the newness of fostering along with my own life, I'd forgotten how a mom is supposed to take it easy for the first little while. As ever, Chris is wonderful to take a few nights of feeding on his nights off. That's new for us since all our children were nursed.
Our case manager comes by once a week right now and goes through her list of questions. One is, "are you experiencing any added stress in or out of the home?" I laugh inwardly at this one. Our case worker has been at the Foster agency since May. She still has an NAU parking sticker on her SUV. I can't see my self telling her that Gilbert citizens are not voting to raise Public Safety $$, I haven't reached my goal of Mother of the Year yet and my toddler has chosen to hit the terrible two's now-when he's two (weird huh?). "No, no added stress" I smile serenely. (or is that tiredly?)
I can't complain because my sister in law Molly has trouble sleeping all the time, but I'm used to sleeping like a rock. Chris always jokes that someone could break in and steal my pajamas and I wouldn't know it. Through all of this, I am still glad to share the love our family has and wouldn't back out. Especially since my wonderful son offered to feed her while I wrote this blog. This is good, for all of us.

It's a Girl!

I am the proud parent of a Foster Baby! Ashley was born August 22nd, addicted to Meth. She is cute as a button and a true angle with very little withdraw symptoms. Its been a dream of mine to foster and we are love the experience so far. Our family has taken to her easily and now even our boxer feels protective of her. We are asked often if we plan to adopt her, but I tell people; "I am not in charge of her future, so I don't make plans for her." I am just in charge of loving and caring for her and that is enough. Our greatest source of info is my sister-in-law Stephanie, who has fostered several children and adopted three. She reminds us that Jesus know what her future should be and where she will end up, and so we trust that he will protect her and guide her life. We're just lucky enough to be able to give her a good start. She has a concerned team of case workers and while the system isn't perfect, at least she had people looking out for her. We've never seen the bio parents so we can only dream of what she will look like- but angel is a good description of her so far.